Me a Student | I am Here and I have Opinions!

This is the more daunting semester. Everyone is sick, it's dark out around 4:30 and I'm commuting with the fear of hit and miss storms. I'm constantly checking the weather, taking vitaC before bed and finagling the most logical schedule. I've almost survived my whole first week back and I can feel it already slipping out of my hands. This semester always goes quickly and soon I will be free but I wanted to take a moment to discuss how thankful I am to feel like a student. I don't mean be a student, I mean feel like a student.

This is an important distinction to me becuase being a student has felt wrong to me. Yes I'm very blessed and fortunate to have such a robust education but it hasn't been glamorous. It's robbed me of my identity otherwise and has allowed my perception of my education to be one of struggle against the system and myself. Only in that, being a student in my experience, has been a box limiting me to be nothing more than someone of without-ness. Without enough experience, without enough knowledge, without a degree, without legitimacy, without responsibility, without societal inclusion.

Feeling like a student is opening my arms to possibilities and opportunities. It's acknowledging my fears; be them social, psychological or academic and leaning into them with the help of my peers and teachers. It's about identifying what teaching methods work for me and which teaching methods don't and LEARNING. I'm learning so much! I'm present, I'm showing up. I'm not just physically arriving, parking and sitting in the chair but I AM HERE, AND I HAVE OPINIONS.

I'm pretty sure I looked right through one of my instructors this week. I saw completely through their 'out-there artist' gimmick, their polished charisma and out of bounds ego. I could feel myself unapologetically disagreeing with this instructor with every fibre of my being and then being called out for being so disengaged. The truth was that I wasn't just disengaged but I wasn't drinking her cool-aid anymore because I had finally tasted better. Oh!!!! The sweetness of knowing good educators when they cross your path and then sloughing off the mediocre ones when they block you. Not only am I privied to feeling open to knowledge and opportunities but I can withstand being herded by a lame shepherd.

That is the true power in feeling like a student. I'm not just a student when I'm in class, I'm a student everywhere and wherever I can harness the sensibility to be open to opportunities, to be open to learning and pedigogical experiences (both positive or negative) and it's just right in front of my eyes.

I should technically be graduating this semester but I'm taking an extra year. I'm actually glad for that really - I can take my time and ease into things a little bit more.