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Today I did something brave : I confronted a bully. It wasn't a peer or a friend or an unsuspecting acquaintance, it was one of my teachers. So many of my students tell me that they are bullied and I feel honoured that they are safe enough to tell me. Some of my students are bullied as young as 6. I always ask the student if I can share their story with their parents because I want to garner trust. I also found myself saying, "stand up for yourself" or "make sure you tell a teacher" or "let them know, it's not okay to treat you like that". My sister always reminds me that you teach people how to treat you. Powerful but hard to do. So, it came time for me to stand up for myself and that day was today. Now, I have to admit that I used to be much more confrontational than I am now. Since then, I've really taken to heart Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God", which has helped me refocus my intentions, language and communication style. This scripture has stayed especially close to my heart after my mum's passing which gave me something to be angry about. Thankfully, any of the nastiness my loved ones suffered because of my anger and grief has long been forgiven and I can carry on trying to be a peacemaker. With that said, I've written about a University instructor that called me a carcass, and about how hard completing my degree was. However, I did spend a year in college before attending the University of Toronto and I have always been fat. What I mean is, I'm no stranger to feeling bullied. So, when I confronted my bully today I did so with respect for myself and with pride. I sent them a picture of my University of Toronto Degree in Music Performance that I have worked very hard to earn. I communicated how much their negativity during college impacted me and ended the message with "I hope you are a little kinder to your students". The truth is I will never forget this person and even five years later, there is still a soreness about this time in my life. The context of my life while being a student was completely unknown and irrelevant. Only weeks prior to starting this class my mum unexpectedly passed away. Yet I suffered on because at the time his bullying was disguised as "mentorship", "direct feedback", "honesty" to use his words. Then of course, I was conditioned to respect the authoritative distance between teacher and student. I had never questioned his tactics or mean spirit. I just felt like crap every Tuesday and Friday at 9:00 AM. So, when I landed an acceptance to the prestigious alma mater UofT (which took 7 people my year) I thought he would be impressed. I thought that I could win over the nastiness and finally prove myself. Instead he told me that the course work was significantly more difficult and I'd have to take "real classes and shit" and barely acknowledged my effort. For a brief moment I remember feeling like his truth of who I was, was the truth I was not seeing. I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't talented enough and who was I kidding. That in itself is the Hallmark of bullying! Reducing someone to disbelieve their worth, to discredit their effort and to refuse kindness and celebration. Unfortunately I found this in a teacher. So ya, five years later I called him out on it and boy do I feel good. Ultimately, teachers can be bullies. It got me thinking about the impact teachers have on students. How, our behaviour as educators is replicated and exemplified by students and analyzed for fairness. Not every student is a good student, children don't listen, pre-teens drive me nuts, teenagers are...teenagers. Even in the post-secondary world, students are frustrating. I recognize that. However, if we don't own up to the faults of our authoritative and powerful position, we may never know the impact we have as educators. Lately, there has been a rise in gun violence in North America. Moments when a peacekeeper is in need, brutal aggression takes over. Moments of frustration from intersectional and generational oppression rise and weapons are drawn. Moments of freedom, music and love were met with fear and terror. As educators we must take ownership of our role in influencing people; not just children or adolesents or half-formed adults. How do we dislodge these weapons? How do we stop innocent deaths ? How do we teach peace and mean it? We must first look at ourselves. We must understand the ripple effect of our actions, we must create a higher standard for our profession and even though this job is tiring and emotionally taxing and frustrating...we must all strive to be a little kinder, especially to our students. ------------------------------------------------------------ How to know if your child is being bullied http://www.prevnet.ca/bullying/signs Long-term effects of bullying http://www.stopbullying.gov/at-risk/effects/index.html