Shut Up & Sing

Yes, I love the Dixie Chicks. I have very fond memories listening to their CDs in my mom's bright blue truck on a warm summer afternoon. Or on rainy days driving to my voice lesson and chatting with mum about how tender and special the lyrics were. It seemed just as I had begun to worship the band, the country-music loving world was ready to banish them. The Dixie Chicks released a documentary called "Shut Up & Sing", that followed the outcome of some bold political statements regarding President Bush (Jr.) at the time. This post is not about that documentary or the Dixie Chicks. It's about the statement : Shut Up & Sing. Also, how, for the first time in my life, I felt the real emotions of "shut-up and sing" come hurling towards me in a rehearal. A rehearsal that I was part of for a good cause, that I wasn't getting paid for that was folk music. A rehearsal that was last minute, that was the afternoon to a really bad morning. A rehearsal that made me well up with shame and feel like shit... worse.... it made me not want to sing. There is that hot cry that we all have. I see it in myself, and in my students a bit more often than a lot of people I'm sure. I wear most of my emotions on my sleeve, which is great but also tiring. When I was being told that what I was doing was wrong, that what I wanted to do artistically didn't sound good, translated to me being belittled, feeling small and feeling useless. All I wanted to do with that hot anger was stand up and say "I don't need this and if you don't need me just say so". The stage was croweded with too many musicians for such simple, rustic music, and there were unexplained and definitely unrelated tensions piling in from each angle. The people are wonderful people. The music was wonderful music but I had this conversation in my head... Me: Rehearsal, we gotta talk Rehearsal : What's up bae? Me: It's not you, it's me.... Rhearsal : Olivia, are you sayng... are we.... are we breaking up? What I desperately want to cry from the rooftops is YES. YES. YES. We are over, we are through. I hate you Rehearsal. You stuff people into tiny rooms and force them to hate what could be magical, emotionally satisfying music. I hate you Rehearsal for needing a leader and wanting to hide the leader's agenda. I hate you Rehearsal. You make me feel tired and groggy and unproductive and uninspired and hate music. You suck. We are THROUGH. But that's not the entire truth. As much as I am hearing "Shut Up & Sing" barked towards me, I am certainly impailing someone else. My stare of "your note is wrong", my furrowed brow of "that sounds awful", my resting face that says "I am not interested" is a "Shut Up & Sing" to someone else. As if I could extract the musical skill and leave the person behind. Let the soul fend for itself, I just want the art. But the best thing about music, is that it comes from people. I suppose this this the general feeling at the end of the school year at an art school. Everyone wants their way, they are tired of making art that isn't their own and the threat of looming performances force a collaborative effort for everyone to get their shit together. I promise that when school is over, or when I have a great rehearsal I will praise the experience here. For now I am off to Rehearsal to shut up and sing.