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I feel like there hasn't been a more opportune time to discuss boundaries on my site. It is becoming more and more prevalent that boundaries are both confusing and a major personal and professional influence.
Right now, as I think of boundaries I think of The Oprah Hug. That's what ^ Jack and Karen are giffing about up top. It's that famous moment when Oprah greets a guest of esteem and instead of a hug or a kiss on the cheek she opts for the less intimate hand-hug. I used to think this was a ridiculous way to greet people. However, my new understanding of boundaries has got me thinking that maybe a hand-hug is a more genuine greeting afterall.
So... what boundaries do I have? How do they shape the way I work and play ?
My students often tell me that they love me, and the truth is I do love them too. I think about them all the time! Ways I can improve their lessons, ways I can relate to them, ways to motivate them. I care about their well being and who they are. However, it's a love from an educator to a student, from a caregiver to a child. It is obviously not a peer-love. That is a boundary.
Having experienced the loss of a parent and no longer going into immidate detail with people I meet about that, or about my grief or family situation is also a boundary that I keep. That boundary is sometimes broken when I'm teaching because students ask 'where's your mom'? (click to read that post). However, I remain professional with them and their parents. I bend my boundary just a little bit to continue creating a space for learning and honesty. Then our lesson resumes and my boundary shifts back.
Personally I feel like I'm at an all time vigilance with my boundary making. For me this is a great success and it is due to considerable amount of personal work. I feel like my years in a performance degree were so superficially constructed that I was constantly let down by people I considered friends. People I over-shared and confided in, people that would *poof* be out of my life and leave me with a disjunct non-community. I did the same thing in another community that I approached similarly and then did some of my own *poofing*. As I'm still learning how to navigate through some dissapointment there, I realize that I didn't have any boundaries and paid the price of being a walking open book.
All of this to express that boundaries are really important! Professionally, personally, artistically... Synonyms for 'boundary' that I like include : limit, compass, extent, bredth, reach, space and so on. These extra words help me visualize what it means to have healthy boundaries as someone who is also in the profession of caregiving. As a teacher and as a business owner I feel like I am always giving myself, which can be very rewarding. As an extrovert and type A(wesome) personality boundaries quickly fade. Suddenly I'm burnt out, I'm dissapointed and feeling unsupported.
To me, there is nothing wrong with knowing your emotional, physical, mental and financial capacity/limit/extent and using that to guide you so you are not stretched beyond yourself. I think whether it's Oprah-Hugging an opportunity that needs to be put on the back burnder or an aquaintence it can be a really healthy. It can be so healthy that you actually pull closer to the people and things that support you, encourage you and challenge you in ways you can flourish.