Me Time | Surviving the Semester
I remember this time last year really well. At one point as I sat poised with my study notes, I also ate half a cup of chocolate covered espresso beans. I then spent the latter half of the night in the fetal position trying to slow my heart-rate down. How about the time I drew every diagram in my vocal anatomy textbook, colour coded it and memorized it while drinking too much Chocolate Rocket and eating pork buns on a Friday and Saturday night.
This time I'm not being juiced up by caffeine and Chinatown treats (I wish!). How I got to the end of November 2014 with only 3 days left to go of this semester is nothing short of a string of miracles. Not to mention a rock-solid family, a few hearty bible studies, a boyfriend with a lot of patience and humor, 3 non-academic books and quelle surprise the life-blood that is my studio and students!
What slacked was my determination to continue writing this blog, my determination to keep a mostly paleo-diet and my patience for bullshit. I leaned really really hard on Starbucks-Americanos (sometimes Peppermint Mochas) and crocheting, which isn't so bad. I had some really difficult conversations, with people I really respect and in some cases respected. Conversations that made me assert myself, and engaged a discussion about mental health and my identity as an artist and who's business or authority it is to tell me what I'm capable of or not.
In October I actually realized that it's my education. This is knowledge and education I'm seeking out and damnit if I'm not being treated with respect than the process isn't serving it's ultimate purpose. It's with that confidence that I'm finishing this semester. It's with that confidence that I can really understand the precious opportunity teaching is and not take it for granted. I can see from my own perspective qualities in professors I long to cultivate, and other characteristics I hope to never take on. It is with that confidence that I slough off all of the tough skin I've been encouraged to grow for no reason* and really allow myself to take what I want out of the educational system, instead of feeling destroyed and bewildered.
It was about 2 months ago when I decided that I was going to take a 5th year to complete my undergrad and as I continue to plug away I can't help but feel like it's the best decision I've yet to make. I'm in a really good place- school isn't ruling my life and I've had to expand my studio from 1 to 3 days of the week, where I can dedicate time to being focused on the interpersonal relationships I have with my students/parents. I can make personal phone calls to update parents, and I can plan curriculum for my students ahead of time. I've started collecting worksheets and educational resources. All because I have the time and energy to because this is my life blood and my education is only meant to benefit me. Despite years fighting against the system, it finally it is.
Next weekend I'm throwing my first Christmas party for all of my students. We're going to make gingerbread cookies, watch movies, eat pop-corn and have hot chocolate. We're going to make snowflakes out of coffee filters and maybe decorate my tree. This is what I've been waiting for. This is what I've wanted for so long. To be surrounded by children that I love and respect, that I can't wait to see grow up. To encourage spontaneous happiness and joy for the holidays and to invite my students into my home to hang out with each other and make friends.
In short, I survived because I am blessed to be surrounded by good people and learning opportunities. As musch as I hope and pray to continue my own education, it will no longer be at the expense of my mental health, my relationships, my life-blood.